shopping

boy have i been sick since thursday of last week. i went to visit justin's dad in the hospital on tues and wed night last week and we came home and i instantly felt bad on wed night. im not saying it was being around his dad although now i think im an idiot for going w/ him being in the hopsital for flu and pneumonia but i think we picked up something from someone. on thurs i felt bad when i woke up. then during the day i started running fever and it was AWFUL. i haven't felt that bad in so long it hurt it was that bad. i crunched through came home and felt bad and by then justin was the same also. we just lied in bed all night. on friday i punched thru went to work but by the end of the day i was spent. on saturday and sunday i was better but i just did nothing. i didn't go to work today either. i wanted to give it one more day. i still dont feel 100% but im going to work tomorrow no matter what.

ive been thinking a lot of how people see me at work. its really important when you think about it as a christian but then again do i let their perceptions of me get to my actions and my ways so much that they hinder me? they keep remarking what a "shopper " i am. ok so ive lost 50 lbs. i can wear clothes that have been in my closet for years. and i have an array of clothes. i keep clothes and im a clothes horse. i think deep down i have always been this way but its funny to think of yourself as a clothes horse when yo uare just trying to throw things on your body that fit to cover it up! i look back to jan 2010 and how miserable i was. lately weight watchers hasn't been that great. i need to rededicate my self and what a time. friday it will be my one year anniversary. i need to go to the gym. i need to eat better. really dedicate it full force. i can do this.

ok so back to my point of this blog. they make it seem like im such a shopper. i haven't been on a "shopping spree' in months. its tough w/ a mortgage and now paying rent and something keeps coming out everymonth that we have to pay. i wish i could through away money on clothes daily. not really i wish if i had that much money i could do other things w/ it too! but its not like that. i bought myself some sandals and they were like 15 dollars the other day. believe me as a girl i really need like three more pairs kinda simlar for summer ad im scared to go buy them!!!!!!!!

so i finaly sat down w/ justin tonight about our finances. we haven't done this since we moved here and it needed to be done. i just feel like yeah we can't do anything until we sell the house, but we can at least get in control of our check book and learn to budget again and not be so scared to look at the bills and the balance of our bank acct. ugh i hate money. really hate it.

my whole point of moving into this crummy apt was to down size and live w/ in our means. esp while trying to sell our house. hopefully one day i can be glad i did all this b/ci REALLY hate this apt. but its better than the trailer in haughton we looked at!!!!!!!!!!!!!